Arsenal – Arctic Monkeys
Just old enough to go to the shops on their own. Prizewinners.
Aston Villa – Maroon 5
Birmingham – Slade
Wrong, just wrong.
Blackburn Rovers – Judas Priest
Still around and upsetting people.
Bolton Wanderers – Black Lace
Not a shred of class.
Chelsea – Westlife
Backed by millions, very successful because of it, but impossible to love.
Derby County – Wet, Wet, Wet
Try as hard as they might – it's just not going to happen – give up…
Everton – Take That
They refuse to go away.
Liverpool – The Rolling Stones
The establishment living off past glories.
Fulham – Il Divo
Strangely out of place, unless you drive a 4×4 and casually wear your jumper thrown over your shoulders with the sleeves tied in a knot at the front.
Manchester City – Oasis
Also still living off past glories but sporting a massive chip on both shoulders.
Manchester United – U2
Still outdoing their rivals in ticket and album sales in spite of an annoying leader.
Middlesbrough – System of a Down
Summed up perfectly with the album Toxicity…
Newcastle United – The Spice Girls
Attempting to recapture past glories with lots of money and little talent.
Portsmouth – The Wurzels
Reading – Mike and the Mechanics
Bland, dull and unlikely to sell out a stadium.
Tottenham – Chas ‘n' Dave
Sunderland – Cradle of Filth
West Ham Utd. – Cockney Rejects
The name says it all…
Wigan Athletic – Hanson
Shone for about 10 minutes yet you knew exactly what was going to happen.